Chapter 5 of 10

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Ayisha walked gently, faintly, leaving no trace of her existence. A few leaves touched her face and covered the path but everything else seemed to ignore her. Her heart was weak, her mind was obliterated. Like a drunken surgeon, S… he had messed up her consciousness. As if aggravating an old and painful wound, he had said the words she did not want to hear. And he did not stop there; no, he brought to light her feelings of submission, of fear, of loneliness.

 

From a young age the young Miss Butterfil had dodged being close to her peers – a fearful ability called it her parents, being “a freak” called it the other kids. However, she was not that odd, nor was she a complete social misfit. Ayisha listened to all kinds of music – from popular to the classics, though she didn’t prefer either; she watched all sorts of movies and even liked the clichés in them; she played sports to the best of her ability and never refused to participate. Yet, the way she talked annoyed some, alienated others and repulsed still others – she could not help their lack of refinement or general intelligence. “Maybe I am precocious! When I get older things should level out, perhaps in a few years time.” Yet with every passing day the gap between her and “the crowd”, as she referred to everyone else, widened. “Maybe my surroundings are simply not good enough. When I enter a better high school, there will be fellow-minded individuals.” Indeed, her institution was among the best in the country and a few individuals excelled above her in some subjects. She got excited, “Finally, people to call my own, spend time with and … have fun.” They were truly ingenious in their fields, perhaps future inventors. But apart from that, there was nothing; much like a calculator they were perfect for doing calculations and useless for anything else.

 

“Maybe I am not trying hard enough”, Ayisha did not give up, “so I will do my best to be as friendly and amiable as I can.” Miss Butterfil attended all the socials she could, talked to everybody, always smiled and was never discourteously critical. And it worked – her peers started speaking to and inviting Ayisha to their gatherings, they phoned her and exchanged messages. But from time to time she would say something straight out of her heart without first having bashed it into a formless, likeable statement. As she read people’s expressions covertly saying “How awful, how appalling” there was no greater insult to somebody’s dignity.

 

Ayisha tried to control these moments yet they were an integral part of her, and it is not possible to stop using you hand simply because someone had found it inappropriate. So she stopped listening. She “dropped her act” and returned to her normal behavior. Ayisha didn’t chase anybody away – they left. On that very same day the young Butterfil wrote:

 

Dear Future Me,

I hope you are having a blast wherever you are. But I am no optimistic fool and I know things are unlikely to change. Please, I beg of you, uphold your dignity and character so far as you don’t scare anyone away. Please don’t become an easy woman either. But, please, please look out for opportunities and when they arise, grab them, take no prisoners. I assure you there won’t be many.

A despairing young maiden

 

Having come to haunt her, these words, Ayisha asserted, had proved to be her Achilles’ heel.

“I am sorry, my past self, and most certainly I will be sorry, future Ayisha, but I have tried everything, I have even diminished my ego to a grain of salt yet no joy comes from communication… Nothing… this overrated human medium of happiness is not for me … and I shall pursue it no longer…”

 

 

Mr. Edith did not require special permission to enter the school premises – he was one of the main benefactors and had, as a result of his generous donations, received certain special privileges. So he waited in his daughter’s room until the latter finished her noon lectures. Before long Emily entered. She was not surprised to see her parent as he had sent a message about his visit the day before.

“Father, it is an honour to have you here”, she began courteously.

“Daughter of mine, cut the small talk. I better than anyone know how and where the family’s money goes. Why have you paid this Sean fellow such a huge amount for nothing? Coincidentally, right after your fiancé Michel disappears. I know you didn’t like him that much but … to do … this?”

“To do WHAT, father? If you have the nerve to accuse your own daughter, please be so kind as not to leave anything implied.”

George took a deep breath.

“Emily, did you hire Mr. Cooper to do away with Michel?”

Without blinking she replied.

“No, I did not hire Mr. Cooper to do away with Michel!”

“Then what did you have him do? For this sum a young student would be willing to do…quite a lot”

“To use your vocabulary, father, I had him deal with minor HR issues.”

“This is unacceptable! The Drurys are a powerful family, well enough to rival ours, and making enemies of them is anything but a smart move. If they ever find out who is behind this fiasco, God help you. Where is the boy?”

“No idea.”

“Wha….t”, George remained flabbergasted at Emily’s frivolous answer.

“Sean dealt with everything. You will have to ask him for such minor details.”

“Then introduce him to me so I can tie up your loose ends.”

“Yes, father.”

Within a quick phone call Mr. Cooper was summoned and entered Emily’s quarters. He wore a victory grin, quite unlike a gentle smile with its malicious and complacent nature.

 

“Hello, Emily. Good day, Mr. Edith. How can I be of assistance?”

“Son, you have kidnapped, in itself a crime, the heir of a powerful rich family. How long do you think you will last when the Drurys hear of you? Do you have even a vague idea of the trouble you are in?”

“But, sir, you are mistaken. That fateful night I saw Michel in the men’s toilets at 7p.m. after which he attacked Emily, snatching her purse. After our encounter I was with a group of friends until the early hours of the morning and there is evidence to back up everything I say. How do you propose I kidnap him under these circumstances?” However, this plea of innocence contrasted with his smirk expression, giving an impression of ridicule rather than sincerity.

“Don’t play games with me. You were paid by my daughter to get rid of him. Co-operate so I can get you both out of this!”

“Mr. Edith, if the Drurys are as powerful as you say, they should be intelligent and rational people, too. If I physically don’t have the chance to do something, I don’t think they would bother pursuing me for it. If they had such intentions, I believe your daughter would be the first to ‘feel the heat’.”

His arguments were convincing, thought George, he had an alibi, yet Sean’s posture, his body language, and most of all his expression spoke: “I did it and you can’t figure out how!” So he decided to change his approach.

“Sean, you don’t have many allies with this attitude, do you?”

“I ally myself only with useful people so naturally I do not, George… I mean Mr. Edith”, but nobody in the room doubted whether it was intentional.

“Don’t you feel you need help with … unforeseen events, then?”

“Until girls stop being gullible and asking their parents to help their boyfriends I think I will be fine.”

It took great effort for George to subjugate his anger and not hit Sean but he barely managed.

“Fair enough, case closed then. If you believe you can fend off for yourself, who am I to offer my help?!”

“Precisely!”

“Watch your tongue, young man, I might just cut it.”

“But I thought you needed thinking and self-sufficient workers in your business.”

“So that is why you wanted to help my daughter. You were after the family fortune. It all makes sense now.” And a weird and uncomfortable laughter found its way out of his mouth. But Sean remained calm, waiting for him to quiet down and replied:

“Sir, I have to work now and must bid you ado. Please, in the future, don’t stress Emily too much. She is in a fragile state right now”, said Sean, mustering the most lustful expression. He got up, shook hands and on his way out, slightly touched Emily’s belly. But George paid little attention to that. All he wanted was for him to get out so he could ask the fateful question. Like a bullet, he shot it out.

“Are you pregnant?”

Emily, who found their conversation boring and did not listen, started laughing:

“He is the only one who can convince you of such an absurdity.”

“Thank God. Emily, you have taken a real monster, a true creature of the dark, and introduced it to our world. You can’t imagine the consequences…”

“As long as it’s fun I don’t care.”

“Emily, you damned fool…”

Chapter 4.2 of 10

Here is the promised second part. I would like to focus your attention to my newest professional article. For those that feel like reading, please take a look at all my other writings. Thank you. Enjoy.

Sean was taking a shower when he started to remember a moment from his childhood. He was playing football for a local club and his team was winning. He himself had made a few wonderful passes and even went for a shot. He was satisfied. However, during the half-time the coach approached and asked him to rest for the remainder of the match.

“But why,” he started to protest, “weren’t you watching how well I was playing??? George was only able to score because of my pass!!!”

“Sean, you seem tactically important because you have more experience than anyone else. But your technique is appalling. People that have trained a fraction of your time can do a great deal better. Now, sit, there are twenty other players on this team and frankly, most are better. From tomorrow I am moving you to the beginners’ session to re-learn the basics.”

Sean’s coach stuck to his word – Sean was forced to train with people that had never touched a football before, let alone kicked it. Yet, there were some good ones but nothing comparable to his skills, he thought. He felt like a god among mortals, a God who wished, purely for his own entertainment, to learn a human skill. Not that he couldn’t easily acquire it through his potent powers, it is just that he had maxed his own route of development and was now going for something else. As the exercises rolled, “the god” saw himself breathing heavily, panting from exhaustion and struggling like everyone else. He was average, not showing signs of superiority in anything, but feeling special, feeling different. And his technique was improving. After a few weeks’ time he went to play with his peers again. The boy stood in the middle of the field, paralysed by how good everybody was – his appreciation of their abilities had increased through all the practice and he had lost what previously gave him strength to play on their level – Confidence. Since then Cooper decided never to play football again…

Having finished his shower, Sean entered his room and found Ayisha there, patiently waiting with a basket in her hands.

“Let’s say I ignore the breaking and entering part, can you please turn around so I can put some clothes on?”

“Yes…I came to talk about yesterday and I thought you wouldn’t lock your room if you were going far away so I entered. I haven’t touched anything… Sean, why did you behave like that yesterday?”

“Like what?”

“Like you own me, like I am a readymade meal you will pick up form the shelf. ‘Cause I am not, Cooper, I am not.”

“Ayisha, I merely touched your face and looked at it. Don’t make it sound like a big deal.”

“Sean, your voice is shaking. Don’t try to simplify your actions, neither you nor I is stupid enough for that. You grabbed my face as if I were you toy.”

“Indeed, that you are not. You are a sweet wallflower, waiting to be handpicked by a Mr. Right or Mr. Handsome, whichever you choose.” Without a moment’s hesitation, Ayisha rose and slapped him with all she had.

“Tell me I am wrong! Come on, do it!”

“You have never been so mistaken in your life, Sean Cooper.”

“Am I now… Then, what does mean for you – you who have chosen the life of solitude not because of preference but because of a lack of choice; You who have chosen to be a fleeting being, an evanescence again out of a lack of choice; YOU who has so dearly longed for company that you would pounce at the slightest opportunity…”

His rising tone had reached its peak and a seemingly endless abyss of silence followed.

“You are wrong…You are wrong… You are so, totally messed up! I have never seen anyone … so fundamentally flawed. You have nothing, you are hollow. A shadow…”

A faint reply, “I know”, was all she got back. Sean finished dressing up and lied down on his bed.

“I have never denied any of that. And still, it is not easy for me to admit it… My incisive words, true or not, usually keep people at a safe distance away… Why haven’t you left already?”

“The meaning I attached to ‘wrong’ was more … ‘I hope you are wrong’ than ‘You are definitely wrong.”

“I am sorry about yesterday… I didn’t mean to be so rash, brisk and … emotional. I really want to apologize; I will not let my emotions control again.”

“Sean … please… I was really frightened by your smile, it sent shivers down my spine.”

A moment of silence.

“So the action itself did not disturb you?”

Another moment of deafening silence.

“Not in its entirety, no…”

The third and penultimate silence.

“Then, can I try at it again, this time with all the humility and grace I can muster?”

Surprisingly, the last lapse in the conversation was quite short.

“If you would like to.”

Sean stood up from his bed and slowly walked to where Ayisha was standing. He stopped so close to her that they could sense each other’s breathing and put a hand around her neck. In a slow voice he began:

“All day I have been pondering, tormenting myself about yesterday. I thought, as you have said, that I was fatally flawed, fundamentally wrong in my understanding of life. But thankfully, it seems I made only a slight error and in general I am right. Yes, you do belong to me, yes, you are at an arm’s length. You are my toy, Ayisha Butterfill, a stoic loner who tasted companionship and abandoned her stoicism.”

Cooper walked away but decided it was not enough and continued:

“You have, deep inside, chosen this humiliation over the anguish of solitude. Nothing I say or do can push you away.”

But Ayisha was not listening; rather she was crying, sobbing, falling apart endless second after endless second. She did not reply to his words, she didn’t even pick up her bag, Miss Butterfill simply walked out the door like a ghost, an apparition that could no longer scare and was retiring. And the door behind her closed faintly, gently.

Chapter 3 of 10

Ayisha and Sean parted ways after a pleasant conversation about movies and books. Despite his intelligent nature, Sean saw no point in wasting ridiculous amounts of time reading books and preferred the more dynamic medium of movies. Ayisha, on the other hand, found the patience he was desperately missing and, in her own words, enjoyed more profound storylines. Then they waved at each other and said goodbye.

“Why do these moments still come?”, Sean started whispering to himself. “I do not really mean what I said back then, I really don’t. I really don’t… I am not a child anymore, I can control myself.” He clenched his fists. “I should be able to control myself… But then, for a single millisecond I really did believe in what I said. It came from my heart… and that’s why Ayisha looked so shocked. I am not crazy nor am I maniacally evil. I am … normal.” The word normal aggravated him for his immediate connotation was of ‘mediocre’, something which he avoided more than the plague. But, acknowledging this, in its current sense it also meant cured of all the anomalies in his thinking. “I shall not be the quintessential melodramatic teenager, I am not a leper, nor an infected… There I go shirking off the problem. Of course, denial would the first step in accepting a diagnosis. It is the natural reaction to the billion times a day you think something is wrong and it turns out to be a fragment of your imagination.”
When Sean reached his accommodation what awaited him at the door was a poster with Herbert Drury’s face. Getting more worried with every step, he started to carefully examine the piece of paper. His began pulsating as he read, “MISSING: Student First Year, Male, Herbert Drury, Height: 1,75m, Fluent in English, German, French. Reward for any information about his whereabouts.” Cooper gasped for fresh air but everywhere around him smoked abounded.
“Why is he still missing? Why? Why? Why? Shouldn’t they have located him by now” His feet gave in and he fell on the cold, muddy ground. “Just when it was all going according to plan…” And he laughed while his consciousness was slowly fading into oblivion.

Sean woke up in the common room, surrounded by a host of people he had seen around the corridors but never really spoken to. He thanked them for their help and refusing further assistance, clambered to his room where he immediately fell asleep.

In his sleep he heard the door shut – someone outside his hall had entered the room as anyone else wouldn’t have let it slam. With all the swiftness he could muster, he jumped out of bed, reached for his eating knife and tried to identify the person intruding. It was Emily.
“I knocked but you didn’t respond so I let myself in.”
“It’s my fault for leaving it open like that. What do’ya want?”
“Before that, can you please put that knife down? It’s scaring me. And more importantly, why do you have that?”
“Wha? ‘Tis? It’s my eating/cooking knife. I waz lazy and din’t wash it…”And he put it down on the table, next to a dirty plate and fork.
“I wouldn’t normally categorize you as linguistically gifted but you were at least above average in terms of eloquence. What happened to you?”
“I collapsed yesterday after seeing Herbert’s poster. I don’t know why it upset me that gravely. I am all better, thank you for coming. For the second time, what can I do for you?”
“I want you to ravish my body like there is no tomorrow! To turn me into a woman in the most indecent way you can!” And she looked downwards amply showing skin.
Sean raised his eyebrow. Then he raised his head, followed by the other eyebrow, resulting in the most astonished reaction.
“Quite frankly, this is best way to start the morning. May I ask, while we get undressed, as to the reasons behind your new-found love for me?”
The girl went past him and sat on the bed. “I don’t want to be the sacrificial pawn in my family’s chess game. If only in this, I shall follow my wishes.”
“And these desires involve turning me into a paid gigolo, I see. Dare I say, a well-thought out and not in the least impulsive decision. Also, how … different from your family?”
But Sean’s slowly awakening mind became less cynical and finally focused on Emily’s trembling body – her slender figure was barely holding. Contrary to his instincts though, she did not explode with anger.
“Sean Cooper, you are the person with ambitions, I am the one with endless possibilities and a rich family. It is clear who can do without the other. And it was you who approached me, not the other way around. So DO NOT, never accuse me being like my family! No, I do not want to turn you into a gigolo… Sorry, it’s just that… the Drurys have called my family to accuse me of their son’s disappearance. Apparently, it was my responsibility to babysit him.”
“Quite frankly, your sad, sad life story means nothing to me this early in the day. Can we go back to me taking advantage of your emotional instability?”
“Sean….”
“You are forever free of him. His parents will find him in a couple of days but he has gotten the message and will not bother you again.”
“Then your word is as valuable as you claim… Thank you. I shall repay you as soon as possible. On a different topic, do you like that the Ayisha girl?”, she asked.
“A question out of the blue. May I enquire why you are asking?”
“Because you don’t seem like it and this lack of emotion bothers me. Most boys your age would have fallen in love, head over heels by now. And some girls have started gossiping about you two. But I don’t see that in you. Is this another one of your grand skills of deception or do you genuinely not feel anything?”
Sean did not expect her question and was frankly taken aback by it.
“If I had wanted her, I would have had my way her – mentally and physically.”
“If I didn’t know you in person, I would laugh. But as I am well aware of your capabilities, I have to keep a straight face and hope never to witness more than just your boasting. I am leaving now. Bye, Sean, I will come by these days with your reward.” And she left. But Sean was already deep in thought.
He whispered before going to wash himself, “If, for a brief moment, I wished her, I would take no more than an arm’s reach to get her…”

Sean phoned Ayisha and invited her to his room on the pretext he was ill and needed help. She accepted.

With a brief knock on the door Ayisha announced her entry.
“Hello, Sean. How are you feeling?”
“A bit under the weather, or even under a brick. Can you make me a sandwich?”
“You really are sick. Don’t you remember asking the very same thing over the telephone?”
But Sean never forgot details, they were both the spices and the main dish in his life.
“Then, can I have it? Your delicious home-made sandwich?”
“Sure, let me get it out of the bag.”
Distracted for a second with the lack of orderliness in her rucksack, Ayisha did not see Sean get up. Nor did she notice him extending his arms around her face until it was too late. He pulled her head a few inches from his. Their eyes started directly into each other. In Ayisha’s confusion, she failed to notice or deduce anything from his expression. But he saw what he was looking for – patience, lack of action, waiting for the other to do something. He knew she was not averse to him and with no other options, he thought, this was equivalent to affectionate of. So he sharply turned his face away to hide the salient victory grin. But Ayisha unexpectedly spoke.
“Sean, I am sorry. I never knew you liked me. And we’ve known each other for a few days only. I am so sorry. I just don’t see you in that light… I am sorry… Goodbye.” And she left, without looking back.
Flabbergasted, surprised, seemingly having lost an important pillar in life, Sean could muster only “Wha….t, I…was….wron…g”, before grabbing his cup and smashing it in the door.